Frequently Asked Questions
Eaves Women’s Aid run a series of refuges across London for women (and their children) leaving domestic violence. These are comfortable and safe environments with a full range of support.
We work closely with local and national organisations that can offer a wide range of support and help. In particular, we work closely with Women's Aid, a national charity working to end domestic violence against women and children. You can visit their website www.womensaid.org.uk to find out more about their work and activities. Alternatively, if you are a women experiencing domestic violence you can contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on
0808 2000 247
Some of the most frequently raised issues about domestic violence are:
- What is domestic violence?
- How common is this violence?
- Who are the victims?
- Who is responsible?
- What can you do if you are being abused?
- What should you do if you feel you are in danger?
- How can you protect yourself in your own home?
- What should I do if I decide to leave?
- What if my partner leaves me?
- What is the abuse continues after my partner has left?
- What can you do to help a friend who may be experiencing domestic violence?
- What are the effects of domestic violence?
What is domestic violence?
Many individuals and organisations, will have different views, but Women's Aid's describes this as
”physical, psychological, sexual or financial violence that takes place within an intimate or family-type relationship and forms a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour. This can include forced marriage and so-called 'honour' crimes.
Domestic violence can include a range of abusive behaviours, not all of which are, in themselves, inherently 'violent', at the same time physical violence is rarely used without accompanying threats, intimidation and humiliation
Though the term domestic violence does not reveal who the perpetrator is, Eaves recognises that violence against women by men is one of the clearest indicators of a gendered power imbalance in society.
How common is this violence?
More common than most people realise. Research shows that it will affect one in four women during their lifetime and two women a week are killed by their partners or former partners. It is also repetitive and in many cases life-threatening and gets worse over time.
Who are the victims?
It nearly all cases it is a woman is being abused by their partner, but children can also become victims. Even if they are not physically abused themselves, witnessing regular violence against their mother will have psychological affects that can be equally, if not, more damaging. Such violence also cuts across social boundaries - race, ethnic or religious group, class, sexuality, disability or lifestyle.
Although every situation is unique, there are common factors that link the experience of an abusive relationship. You will find these in detail in the Women’s Aid website.
Who is responsible?
The abuser is always responsible, but will often look for excuses for their behaviour. They may blame their relationship, ill health, drugs or alcohol or their upbringing as a child. It is quite common to blame the victim, often convincing them that the abuse they receive is their own doing, which is a form of abuse in itself.
What can you do if you are being abused?
There are no simple answers to what is often a complex range of issues, but there is plenty of advice and direct assistance out there as long as you know where to look. There are numerous organisations offering specialist services on our Links section, visit the Women’s Aid website or call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on
0808 2000 247
If you do decide you want to leave home and leave your abuser you need to be plan and be prepared. There are a range of suggestions for dealing with the practical issues on the Women’s Aid website in its ‘Survivors handbook’.
What should you do if you feel you are in danger?
If it is an emergency and remember the police have a duty to protect you
Call 999
How can you protect yourself in your own home?
Women’s Aid recommend you prepare a personal safety plan. You can find how to go about this on their website www.womensaid.org.uk or call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on
0808 2000 247
This covers things such as:
- what important information should you keep at hand
- increasing your personal safety
- teaching young children how to dial 999 and what to say
- telling people you can trust
- devise and rehearse an emergency escape plan
- have and emergency bag packed and what to take
What should I do if I decide to leave?
Chose a time you know your partner will not be around and try to take everything you will need including important documents relating to you and your family. Remember you may not be able to return at a later date. Take your children with you, as it can prove difficult to have them living with you in future if you leave them.
There is again plenty of important advice on issues such as school, collecting your children, what to pack and how to protect yourself when you leave on the Women’ Aid website or you may prefer to talk it through with someone on the helpline on
0808 2000 247
What if my partner leaves me?
If you stay or return to your home after your partner has left, you may be able to get an occupation order or a protection order. If you get an ‘injunction’ with powers of arrest attached, then you should make sure your local police station has a copy and that they know they need to respond quickly in an emergency. In some areas, there are also special schemes to ensure a rapid response by the police. If you chose to stay at home there are some practical tips on the Women’s Aid website www.womensaid.org.uk or call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on
0808 2000 247
What is the abuse continues after my partner has left?
In an emergency, always call the police on
999
Keep a detailed record of each incident (date and time it occurred, what was said or done). If possible, take photographs of damage to your property or injuries to yourself or others. If your partner or ex-partner injures you, see your GP or go to hospital for treatment and ask them to document your visit.
Get the police to enforce any injunction or restraining order and in such circumstances, tell your solicitor or your legal advisor.
What can you do to help a friend who may be experiencing domestic violence?
Remember, your friend may be frightened, embarrassed or unable to acknowledge openly this abuse and may not openly accept your help. There is plenty of advice on what to look out for and what you can do to help on the Women’s Aid website . You can also call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on
0808 2000 247
What are the effects of domestic violence?
Women’s Aid and our own experience of working with women who have experienced domestic violence, tell us that women may be affected by domestic violence in a number of ways including:
- Loss of opportunity
- Isolation from family/friends
- Loss of income or work
- Homelessness
- Emotional/psychological effects such as experiences of anxiety, depression or lowered sense of self-worth
- Poor health
- Physical injury or ongoing impairment
- Death
At an individual level, we know that domestic violence is clearly an attempt by a man to exert power and control over a woman, whether or not this is done consciously or unconsciously. As feminists, at Eaves Women’s Aid we are also interested in how domestic violence affects women at a societal level. To get a true understanding of the impact of domestic violence and other forms of violence against women, the social context and how this exerts power and control over women in general – consciously or unconsciously must also be considered.
The control of women with violence robs women of power and freedom in both personal and public life. Violence against women is both a result of inequality between women and men in our relations of power, privilege and control, it is also central to maintaining unequal relationships in public and personal spheres.
